Monday, September 21, 2020
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Somebody stole my Butt

1

Last night while I was sleeping
somebody stole my butt.
They ran off with my feet and legs.
They even got my gut.

It seems they swiped my elbows,
my arms and shoulders too.
My chest and back have disappeared.
I’m not sure what to do.

They made off with my head as well.
They nabbed my neck and throat.
Now all that’s left is just my hand.
It’s writing you this note.

— Kenn Nesbitt

Shark Salad!

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Juggle toasters in the rain
ask a zombie to your party
wear a sheep when you mean shirt
and teach your dog karate

go swimming in a chicken-pool
brush your teeth with lipstick
take a chimpanzee to school
and watch it go ballistic

ring someone on your frying pan
eat ice-cream with a penguin
fill up the car with chocolate sauce
then listen to the engine

try surfing on an ironing board
in a wetsuit made of pasta
use cabbages for running shoes
you can bet that you’ll run faster

don’t worry if you mix up words
saying shark instead of salad
it’s fun to talk in doughnuts, mate
that’s the point of this old ballad.

— Harry Laing

It’s Finally Friday

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It’s finally Friday – I’m so glad.
It’s been a crazy week.
I got chewed out on Monday,
and since then it’s all been bleak.

I lost my lunch on Tuesday
and a parent went insane,
which shocked me so completely
that I almost popped a vein.

I poked my eye on Wednesday,
and the nurse gave me a shot.
She sent me to the doctor
when I fainted on the spot.

On Thursday I was tardy
‘cause I kinda overslept.
And the snack that I was craving
came up missing in a theft.

And so it’s finally Friday.
No more pencils, no more books.
No more sitting in detention,
no more teachers’ dirty looks.

By Friday I’m exhausted,
out of energy and breath.
But that’s the day you’ll hear me shout,
“Rejoice, T-G-I-F!”

And twice a month on Friday,
I remember why I stay:
You see, I am the principal –
that’s when I get my pay.

— Paul Orshoski

Food Fight

1

Last night I got stuck in the fridge.
It’s cold when you’re in there all night!
I couldn’t believe the commotion I found.
I never knew food liked to fight!

The apples were ripe with frustration.
The kiwis completely incensed.
When round one got started I couldn’t quite see
who the olive was pitted against.

Then out of the crisper came lettuce.
It was almost too much to digest.
He was mad at the olive for spying on salad:
“I know that you watched her get dressed!”

The olive was somewhat defenseless.
He stayed in his corner and cried.
The eggs cracked some jokes at the olive’s expense,
then took off for bed feeling fried.

The cheese jumped in front of the olive.
“I’ll cream you!” cried lettuce enraged.
Then he took a step back, cause it just wasn’t fair.
The cheese was not sharp, it was aged.

The rolls rocked it out in the corner.
Dancing and doing their thing.
The salsa joined in, “We’re just not into fighting,
and clearly the lettuce will win.”

I never knew how it all ended,
I finally found a way out.
My sister had opened the door to the fridge.
I think she heard hot pepper shout!

“Why are you stuck in the fridge??” she asked
as I made my way down to the floor.
“I wanted to know if the light would stay on
even after I closed the fridge door!”

— Tiffany Strelitz Haber

Itches

1

I’m covered in calamine lotion
from forehead on down to my feeters
to stop me from scratching the itches
of hundreds of bites from mosqueeters.

My arms and my legs are so itchy,
they feel like they’re starting to smoke.
I guess that I got that from playing
in patches of red poison oak.

As if it could not be more painful,
my stomach is rashy and hivy,
my back and my sides are all blotchy,
from wandering through poison ivy.

Despite that I’m itching like crazy,
I hardly can wait until when,
my itches and rashes are better
so I can go camping again!

— Kenn Nesbitt

Here’s a Silly Poem

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Here’s a silly poem.
It has lots of silly things.
It has a silly dragon
with a pair of silly wings.
And on the silly dragon
sits a silly little man,
who has no hat, but always wears
a silly frying pan.
And in his silly frying pan
there sits a silly duck
who drives around in circles
in a silly little truck.
And on the silly truck
there is a silly-looking horn
that, every time you squeeze it,
shoots out silly ears of corn.
The fire-breathing dragon
makes the corn begin to pop.
The man can’t catch it all, which means
a lot of it will drop.
So if you ever see it
raining popcorn from the sky,
look up and you might see
a silly dragon flying by.

— Kenn Nesbitt

Perfect

1

Today I managed something
that I’ve never done before.
I turned in this week’s spelling quiz
and got a perfect score.

Although my score was perfect
it appears I’m not too bright.
I got a perfect zero;
not a single answer right.

— Kenn Nesbitt

Peter Passed a Note Today

3

Peter passed a note today.
He gave the note to Anna.
She opened it and read it,
then she passed it on to Hannah.

The note made Hannah giggle
so she handed it to Cody,
who read it with a smile before
he slid the note to Brody.

Then Brody read the contents
and he gave it to Luann,
who opened it and chuckled
and directed it to Dan.

He read it with a snicker,
then he tossed the note to Jon
who couldn’t help but chortle
as he passed it on to Sean.

The teacher heard us laughing
and she saw what Sean was holding.
She walked across the room
and took the note he was unfolding.

We thought we’d get in trouble,
but she gave it back to Sean
and smiled because it read,
“The teacher’s awesome. Pass it on.”

— Kenn Nesbitt

My Father Can’t Find Me

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My father can’t find me.
He says that it’s weird,
I seem to have vanished.
I just disappeared.

My mother can’t see me.
She’s looking around.
She’s calling my name
but I cannot be found.

My brother and sister
both want me to play.
They’re searching the house
but I’ve faded away.

I thought that my family
would all be amused,
but even our dog is
completely confused.

I know it sounds strange
but I’m starting to think
I shouldn’t take baths
in invisible ink.

— Kenn Nesbitt